UNDERGROUND A&R REPORT

KIDS!  DON'T DRINK, DRINK AND RAISE HELL ROUND THESE PARTS!

I was going through some 25-30 year old records, lost in memories when this big 4 wheel drive truck skids through the gravel coming into my parking lot then peels out throwing gravel all over my sign near the road then stop stops facing the store window with its lights on bright.  Another truck pulls in behind it.

Pulling 'ol Trusty out from behind the counter.  I fling open the store door and yell "What the fuck is your damn problem?"

They just sit there, so I march out to open their door for them. There's like four people in the cab.  Guy sitting next to the passenger door says "What's your fucking problem?  Put that damn gun away."

"No I don't think so hoss.  You and your buddies come roaring into my parking lot throwing gravel and raising hell.  I think it's you with the problem."

So this guy steps out of the truck and says "Sir I will ask you one more time, and it will be the last time.  To put that gun away and go back into the building."

I said: "And I'm telling you, one last time, to get your ass back in that truck and get the fuck off my property!"

Kid sez "Sir, I am not playing with you, I'm an off duty Bartow County Sheriff, you need to turn around, go back inside and put away your weapon."

I almost broke out laughing.  "Sheriff huh? Where's your badge Mr. Sheriff?"

"I don't have to show you anything sir.  I'm an off duty police officer and I am telling you to put away your weapon."

I did start laughing. "I'm telling you Mr. off duty.  You don't come flying through my parking lot throwing gravel and raising hell.  Not here.  Sheriff, off duty or not.  So I need to see some identification, and quick, because you're on private property showing your ass, and if you don't leave, or produce some id and give a purpose for being here since you're essentially destroying my property, I'm gonna fill that ass up with buckshot!

By this time the driver of his truck had gotten out and he spoke up.

"Hey man don't pay attention to him man, he's just drunk."

"Does he work for the sheriff's department?  'Cause drunk or not he's claiming he works for the police and I don' think he does and if he really doesn't then he doesn't need to go around telling people that, because he can get his ass is a helluva lotta trouble running his mouth like that."

The kid spole up "Sir, I am losing my patience with you.  You must return to the building and put away your firearm."

Laughing at him, I yelled "Kid I've told you one too many times to get your ass back in that truck and get the fuck outta here, now you're really pushing your damn luck."

The driver told him to get back in the truck and so did the driver of the other truck. Some girl that was sitting in the middle now emerged from the truck screaming.

"Get your drunk ass back in the truck!  He's got a gun and he's fixin' to shoot your dumb ass!  Get back in the truck!"

The driver added "Don't mind him sir, he's just really drunk.  We're just out having a good time.  I apologize for throwing gravel."

Finally the kid gets back in the truck.  I notice my store door is wide open and the music is blaring at high decibels.

"We're rockin' havin' a good time here too son, as you can hear.  I don't mind anyone having a good time, heaven's no, but being an ass doesn't fit in the profile."

"I understand sir."

With that the trucks left and I went back inside to get ready to go to a Halloween party, cause you see it was All Hallow's Eve.  Good thing the gobblin didn't push it, cause he'd been one more of the dead out on this Samhain.