UNDERGROUND A&R REPORT

Sometimes you just gotta lay down the law to the wicked

So I'm sittin at work feelin' like complete dogshit. Thinkin' I'm gonna quit answering my phone after 1am and unplug the damn thing. Between the hang-over, the grouchy customers, and a general bad attitude, I felt meaner 'n hell. Plus, for a while I had been fed up with all the sexcraft (particular type of witchcraft) some folks were tryin' to throw on me.  It wasn't just the couple of local ho's gettin' themselves off and tryin' to channel some juice out of it.  Nada. Though their shit was sick enough, what I'm talkin' about wasn't some country folk messin' with the devil; whom I was really pissed at was whomever was doin' it at a higher degree, perhaps even a high priest or priestess.  And I'd about heard enough of their bullshit.

A day or two earlier I'd sensed their sick thoughts again.  That night, staff in hand, I'd transversed the mount and asked the Good Lord to make these people show themselves.  I had something to say before I got hardcore.  I got the feeling it would be done.

So I'm sittin' there wishin I'd drank more water than wine last night, and the sun reached that area in the late afternoon sky where it came in the windows at work and blinded your ass. It wasn't good for my already aching head so I moved outta range.  I saw a shadow cross the light and she came in the door.

She had straight hair to her waist, and it was jet black.  No makeup, flawless complexion, with rich ruby lips.  She wore a victorian lace top with plunging neckline, black long skirt in shimmering silk covering athletic legs that sat on a six inch heeled pair of leather platform boots. Her skin was so pale it was almost translucent. Her eyes were like they had no iris, just glowing black marbles.

It hadn't took the Lord long. She was incredibly beautiful and exceedingly wicked. She propped up on the counter with her lip curled into a tight lip smile, staring into my eyes.

"So who is doing the black magic?" I asked her.

She said nothing but her smile got huge, showing perfect white choppers.

"You?" I asked her.

Again, no answer.

"Ok. Listen" I told her "If I feel, see, or hear you doing that again you will deal with me on another level.  I give people a lot of leeway but my patience has reached an end with all this witchery.  Do you understand me?"

Again, no answer.  She just folded her hands together and rested her chin on top. Smiling and looking into my eyes, while all I could see was sparkling blackness.

"You will leave now" I said. "I am more than serious about what I said."

She backed away, still smiling and left through the doors. As she walked by the windows she kept right on staring and smilin'.

Damn conjurer, I thought.  Later on that night she did it again, sucking energy from unknowing others along with using her own.  Wicked, sick motherfuckers. I thought.  If it'd been a few decades ago I'd sparred with the bitch; now, I let the Big Man handle it. 

But I kept my promise.  Her life quickly became a living hell, in ways I cannot even describe.

It's a few weeks later now, I'm again at work, it's just Tuesday and the head is killin, again. I'm lookin' forward to midnight, and some sleep.  The moon is almost full, but I'm lookin' outside thinking, man it sure is black out there. Someone comes through the door.

It looks like she's wearing the same clothes except now they are torn rags.  No longer are her eyes like coal tar, but now they are a beautiful brilliant blue-green. Tears are rolling down her face and she's cried long enough that her tears have matted her hair to her neck and face.  She is barefoot, dirty, with trembling hands clutching a pack of cigarettes.

"I'm sorry" she gasps "I'm so, so sorry.  Forgive me I meant no harm, only to....." she starts breaking down.

It was my turn to be silent, but no smile was on my face. Her eyes were like a frightened child and she gasped for air as the tears increased.

"Pleeeease" she pleaded. "Help me. Make it stop. Pleeeease!"

'It is not I but God who torments you now." I told her "I tried to warn you. You did not listen."

"Noooo" she moaned, her face a mask of exasperation. "Pleeeease!"

At that moment my heart broke for her.  I felt a wave of warmth and compassion sweep over me. I knew what I had to do. I extended my arm towards her, my palm up on the counter. I found her eyes and looked deep inside, touching her soul.

"Be done with your evil ways. Come to me and truly offer me love and I will return the same to you. Accept my love and I shall cast you from the darkness and you will be with me, us together, forever in eternity."

Her face had a look as if someone had shot her. She slowly shook her head. Then is was if she could not get out the door quick enough, like a blastwave threw her out. She skidded off the store's porch and hit the concrete hard.  She got up fast and ran, never looking back at me.

Damn, I thought.  Ain't no rest for the wicked.

I broke a big smile.  My headache was gone.