Chewbakker & The Jedis Flyin' in the Falcon

Subtitled: “Real People who are for real don’t do things not real, unreal compared to literally real, like that stuff you’re doing.”

(link off cover words & keys Pleasure Machines)

Went and saw my gal today. Every time I say my or me gal folks think I am saying my lover as in girl friend. I know what they saying and why but no I mean a friend of mine who is a girl…..

She wanted to do lunch and go see a display or something at a local museum but I’s already promised Panda Bear & Muzz I’d eat with them but she said call her later afterwards she had this stuff she wanted to show me.

I said what stuff she said can’t say nothin’ on the phone it was a surprise but she knew I like some of this cool techno stuff, some same techno music too, goin or comin’ todays and she said I’ll like it. I said cool, ok.

So drove the Red Baron over to the otherside of town via the byway, went past the courthouse parked down near her building figured hit the library get me a book on PHP cause after page one still ain’t really figured out WTF is going on...but seen it was too soon till meetin’ time so I walked a couple to her building.

Most places got security these days her place like old converted house just walk in all kinds of pods around people on phones talkin’ not so loud just a rumble unless you sit there might hone in on a conversation.

I thought first few times I was in there it was like one of them boiler room operations folks callin’ sellin’ trackin’ folks down on some money or another customer service deal but naw, she didn’t know what everyone did her office was second floor but she reconned everyone there was licensed and legit.

I said good I’b been ina boiler room time or two once sellin’ magazines another it was a job I went for in LA said in the ad just talkin’ to folks needed talkin’ to. I went in there interviewin’ before I saw big dog was listening folks, 30 or 40 it was a big operation, sittin’ around jawin’ doin ‘ they nails yawnin’ and bs’in like slow night. Some folks was laughin’ and carryin on. Way in the back folks mooin’ like cows and bulls bellerin’ and shit, they musta been playin’ with kids in tha nursery or sumptin …

Come to find out was one of them nasty talkin’ numbers where you talkin’ dirty to folks on the phone. Said I’d take the job I think look on my face dude said he’s call me w/ schedule tonight or tomorrow never heard, Never went back. Damn I needed the money though bought lost my apartment broker than a motherfucker had to sell my hair…

She was laughing said no nothing like that.

I know time or two though I’d heard from folks same number and location her operation was they was sellin’ vacations and time shares one time another it was extended warranties so I know they did stuff like that. She said yeah they were contractors did things for other people so those things were just some of the things they did. They did collections and switchboard too. I said yeah I knew.

She said lately they were posin’ as kids or teenage gals and guys online for  some big money operation then the law for real was settin’ up shit or goin’ in ball bustin’ the pervs. I told her that shit was uncool like set-ups tech today wasn’t necessary.

She said oh no she wasn’t sure who the check writer was but they still did emailcampaigns, fake web chats n sites, honeypots (wanted to stop her tell her I was studying them but let her go) cold calling and all that even without a check list or anything just wide open broadcastin’ like yous throwin’ out grass seed or fertilizer.

I said yeah but that shit is damned bullshit I got all kinds of bad malicious email some of that fucked up shit like she’s talkin’ they doin too I know cause service it came through you could look at headers. I was yeah, some smart ass here so never opened the damned thing even, but some sheep out there still open everything and seems now lots of this shit you can’t preview it just opens and runs….been sayin’ that’s called Millennial Engineerin’ kids gotta be the ones programmin’ that shit but don’t know might be on purpose…..

I even kept reportin that shit never did nothing same shit different server. I knew spam was outta control this was someone on a mission. Life-long quest or some shit. Said something like that to em girl she said no after a round or two if folks were lookin’ or joined the site they knewthey had folks red handed.

But back to that shit her bunch was makin' bank on wastin; time on my street; fuck the kids, fuck the pervert sons of a bitches, fuck all them, fuck The Girls too did shit like they was doin', but think she didn't catch on esp bout the girtls went right over her head. Then too don't everybody know.  

She start laughing as shes drivin to the museum or wherever says shut up I was high. I said she wished. She said she had one I said fire it up but my place probably wasn’t cool she said we’d just ride I said ok it was her funeral.

See I quit that ridin’ n roastin’ probably back before the millennium. Best way your dumb ass wanna go to jail today w/ all the high tech n hired trained law dogs on the road today was your happy ass go down the byways hittin’ a killer. Still I know folks do that crazy shit…

They all says I’m paranoid I say ain’t that I’m gettin’ out runnin cause I done had too much way beyond the top bullshit happen cause some weed even some smoke signals. This time round it was gonna be they’s shootin’ me in the back we can go out that way easier, paper article be better. Or maybe at 11 : “Unarmed motherfucker w/o weed runnin’ from traffic stop, officers life feared in danger shots n tasers plus k-9 deployed. Son of a bitch is gone…..”

People say quit playin’ but we ain’t. Folks say get real, I say more real than a motherfucker can be,,,,

Live free or die I always say and we ain’t livin’ no lie. So it’s Free or BY God fuck me!

Peeps say that’s carrying it too far but I seen folks die for lies n bullshit. Better to die so later folks might can once again enjoy the real world partially cause of your sacrifice.

I seen stuff like that in movies and in war propaganda programs but we talkin’ real world.

So we's ridin' n roastin' saygin' campfire girl & death metal songs up in the hills behind the house.  I haven't lived down here really that long kinda know my way around but I guess not looked around we're in some nature reserve I don't know WTF (what) or WTF (where) we are.

Said so we both started laughin' our asses off!

We came rollin' down the mountain finally didn't look right seen a stop sign bottom the hill didn't know where the hell we was at.  Got to the stop sign I said "Damn We in Whites!"

I could see the city sign right there to the right.  Girl was like wow Whites is where we's goin'.  I said we's there she starts that laughin' I yelled


She was slidin in the gravel just about went out into the highway some cargo van runnin' wide open just about hit us maybe foot away he'd never seen us.

Fuck!  I yelled really loud.

She waited till all was clear and took her left.  She started in on me yelling said she had it.

I said yeah we both just about had it.  That was another reason I didn't like roastin' & ridin' esp. I ain't drivin' danged stoners been known do stupid shit.

Nothing like sheep textin blabbin on the cell or watchin or participatin in the de-bate online while drivin'  Seen 'em cause massive pileups.

And damed sure nothing like a drunk motherfucker on a rampage hell we'd be drunk blabbin we might not even had stopped at that stop sign been like a bomb went off flamin' wrecks and bodies everywhere.  

Folks don't drink and drive I know ya'll heard that shit before but this is ye uncle Maddog tellin' ya and ya'll know he know.

So we're heading down the road past the massove falg a flyin'.  Then we see this log cabin like place she says there it is!!

Now I'd done out together all kinds of secret places for all kinds of folks, the G, the Underground, The Under-World, places in ogtehr countries.  But a log cabin?  OK.

Good enough for a secret places I guess.  Even had an 'ol lady whittlin' balsa wood on the porch, selling looked like apples from Ellijay.

So finally we get to this place.  Looked like a motorsyccle club or something out back we turned in.  Now I don't mess with no bikers, known folks who have and they got messed up in some shit thought they were friends with the gang but the gang found out shit got fucked up.

So I don't mess with no bikers, don't ride and I will go a party or play a gig but don't mess around with 'em much just to be frank with ya. As we got in the lot though it was just a used car lot up back with some bikes out front.

I said "you sure this is the place?"

Ma Girl laughed said yeah!  We got out, I took a good look around, and we walked up the wooden stairs past granny towards the front door off the porch. 

I smelt smoke of heating fires and noticed some cats around a burn barrel a couple lots over sharing a bottle of  something.  I also smelt the strong smell of cannabis.

Yup. I thought, this *might* actually be a secret place.  Cause in Jawja they kil ya, or arrest all ye asses, fer cannabis.

Front door was wide open so we just walked right in.

As my eyes adjusted to walking in front the sunlight. I saw someone writhing on the floor.  They had on something looked like a diver's body suit on, with a wrap around parcel @ the waist, and a VR looking headset on..

They were spazing  out , laying on their backs, legs kicking out arms extended moaring and arching tehir back in rhythmic motion....

I heard myslef yell;

"Damnit call 911 they're having a stroke!!"

Girl was standing off the side laughing her ASS OFF!

Abiut that time the person on the floor arched their back rreal high, feet flat on the floor arms spread wide hands clenched in claws and let out an animal roar...

Then collapsed back on the floor in a heap panting really hard....

Girl was over there  giggling...

Suddenly the person on the floor sprang up, whipped off their VR head-set and I could see it was a smiling sweaty faced asian dude probably mid-30ish...

He extends his hand, I shake not even hearing his name all I could image and see/hear was dude writhing on the floor, then climaxin'....

He was talkin' fast explainin' what was goin' on donw there on the floor in his full body sex suit...

Suddenly it hit me and I looked down at me hand, and at his waist; he was in like a neoprene-something-or the other body suit with what looked like Darth Vader's jock strap guildin' his pelvic region.

I realized that was a device which moved in all directions, contracted and expanded, and vibrated....

I kept lookin' at my hand while he was talkin'....